Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
