I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
