He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
