marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
