singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
