How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
