nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dicks are not precious.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
