I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
