When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
