your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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