I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
