Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
