Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
