If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
