it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
