The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
