addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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