Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
