the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
