Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
