Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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