You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
