Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
