bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
