Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
