remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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