You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
