OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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