We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
