My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
