im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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