haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
