just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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