the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
