we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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