so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
