I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
