i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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