i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
