he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
