I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
