she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
