Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
