AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
