I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
