I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
