Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
