Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
