i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
