it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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