its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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