a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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