I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
