So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
