I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
