I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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